Monday, November 4, 2013

Butterflies

I've been getting this weird nervous butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling a lot lately; it's not anxiety really, or at least it doesn't feel like anxiety in the usual sick, sinking feeling of dread. I feel physically nervous, even when my mind is mostly pretty chill. Very strange. I guess I've been pretty stressed out and wound up about school stuff lately, but for the most part I have been pretty freaking happy. So why the nerves all of a sudden?

We read an article in one of my classes last week about young adulthood - that period from age 18 to about 26-27 or so when your whole life is in flux pretty much all the time, and you move every six months, and you can never pay your bills, and you're stuck somewhere between being a grown-up with responsibilities and being a student with assignments due every week...anyone know the feeling? Even without the added specter or mental illness lurking in the background, it's a pretty stressful, unstable, chaotic time for anyone. Reading about this made me feel a little better - more normal - but it also made me realize that this might be my life for the next several years, and I need to figure out how to handle the pressure.

Running helps a ton, but I don't want to rely on that too much for obvious reasons. I used to crochet a lot, or read, or watch TV shows, but it often feels like I just don't have time anymore. Hence the stress, I suppose.

I am trying to be smart about this and not let these fleeting nerves spiral out of control into the debilitating anxiety I had a year or two ago. But it's hard to stay on top of it when I'm otherwise doing pretty well, you know? More and more often, I find myself thinking: I'm happy. But somehow, at the same time, those butterflies in my stomach are going a mile a minute.

7 comments:

  1. I would definitely agree with that period in people's lives, especially those in grad school, being particularly transient and difficult. I'm glad you're aware that running can't be your only stress-release. Are there things that you can make part of your daily routine that are just quick, but are stress-relievers? Crossword puzzles or Sudoku, or solitaire, just something for a few minutes that won't eat up a ton of time, but will give your brain a little space?

    I'm sorry about the butterflies, and I also hope that by being proactive and really thinking about this, you'll be able to avoid that nasty anxiety that you had in the past. Let me know if I can help in any way! Good luck to you!

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    1. Thanks Alie - I've aways scoffed at this in the past but I am thinking about trying deep breathing and mindfulness and all that kooky stuff. It's strange because the nerves I've been having are so physical, not at all mental, that I feel like I need to do something to keep my body relaxed, if that makes sense. Maybe it's time for another massage!!

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    2. There's an app called "Simply Be" that someone recommended to me yesterday. Apparently it's like relaxation meditation type of stuff in short increments - like 5 min long or something. I haven't tried it yet, but I plan on it.

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  2. So I guess I'm not a young adult anymore then! Weird to think about!

    PS - I get the physical anxiety even when mentally chill too. I just think it's my physiology. I just go on about my day anyway and it comes with me, and it's all good. Eventualy it goes away.

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    1. I think the actual term in the article was "emerging adulthood" - which is incorporated into "young adulthood," which is actually 18-39ish I think? So you are still young :)

      And yes, it's so weird to feel mentally good but have my stomach twisting and turning like I'm about to go onstage or something! This has been going on for the past couple weeks or so, which makes me think it it just generally underlying stress about my crazy schedule. The odd part is that I feel NERVOUS, not stressed. Either way, my gut has apparently internalized something my brain missed! Thanks Laura

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    2. Emerging adulthood is, in the psych literature, becoming a new official stage of life.

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    3. I like the term - it rings very true for my experience right now. Lots of instability and excitement and cluelessness... definitely not feeling like a "full" adult just yet!!

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