This decision is making me sick. I hate that I am in a fantastic position regarding my future, but am getting totally bogged down by the what if what if what if of making a wrong decision, focusing on the wrong factors, sealing a miserable situation for myself, etc. etc. etc.
I know that I'm not giving you guys enough specifics, and I apologize—that's the nature of blogging pseudonymously, I suppose. Basically I want to combine certain features of both universities and meld them into one Super School in one Super City. Sound reasonable?
Doesn't help that PMS is in full-force this week, I've got a paper and presentation tomorrow, I'm feeling fat, and the drugs from Dr. A haven't yet had any real noticeable effect. We are fast approaching the end of the month, which was my self-imposed deadline for determining whether or not the steroid was going to work; I'm feeling a little better but nowhere near 100%. Maybe this is a case of "the grass is always greener," but I really do feel like this decision would be orders of magnitude less difficult if I were feeling physically capable. My health makes everything seem completely unmanageable and overwhelming, and the stakes of a bad decision are so, so much higher.
Hopefully Dr. P will have some words of wisdom tomorrow. And at some point, I need to just make the freaking choice and remember that these are two years of my life, not an eternity.
Oh, and you all might be glad to hear that we did finally manage to get that bottle of wine open using a combination of two paperclips, a knife, a screwdriver, and a pair of pliers. Suffice it to say that the integrity of the cork has been compromised.
I'm really sorry this is so stressful! It sounds like you have a lot going on right now that's contributing to the difficulty of the decision. It's hard when there are other factors making life stressful and overwhelming. I hope you and Dr. P can sort some of this out, and you're absolutely right--it's a relatively short-term committment, and in my opinion on your two options, you can't go wrong choosing either one. I think you have good instincts, so my suggestion to be to follow what your heart and your gut are telling you to do. Email/text/call if you wanna chat about it some more!
ReplyDeleteGlad you guys got the wine open! Sounds like it was a fun adventure with a pleasant outcome :) Do take care, and reach out if you need anything!
My fave advice given to me when i made my decision-- you cannot make a wrong decision here. There will be great and less great aspects of either school, but you are awesome enough to have gotten into both and the adcom wouldn't have accepted you if they didn't think you wld make a fabulous addition to their program. It still sucks to choose, esp if you will be there a while (my program is 7-8 yrs) but I do think either one will be awesome. Congrats again & good luck!!
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