Sorry to be MIA, things are weird. And crazy. I feel generally better and more solid and okay than I did a week or so ago, and things are going well, but I just still feel like crying all the time. Sometimes there's a reason, like I feel lonely or fat or stressed, but more often than not it feels disconnected from any real external thing. Just random, inexplicable weepiness. Is this even depression? I don't really know.
Because really, things are okay. My social life has opened up in a lot of ways over the past couple of weeks; I went out with some new people on Thursday and had a really fun time. (Aside from the fact that I picked a fight with this fratty douche-bag with an ego problem. He started it by being obnoxious, and then I could not keep my mouth shut. Sue me.) Then last night a couple guys from my PhD cohort and I stopped for a beer at this neat little pub near my apartment. I used to go there all the time as an undergrad, but hadn't been in a while. It's nice to "rediscover" the city with newcomers, ya know? The plan was just a quick drink to unwind from a stressful week of classes, but we ended up having such a great conversation that we stayed for like three hours.
Today I've been working working working on stuff for my advisor, for which I am not getting payment or class credit but which I am doing anyway out of the goodness of my heart/I'll get my name on a publication eventually, but ugh. It is cramping my style because I have so much other stuff to do for my classes. My good friend L and I are meeting up either tonight or tomorrow for a "study sesh" which, inevitably, will turn into a gab fest, so I really need to get the bulk of my work done today.
So yeah, it's been this weird blend of being totally psyched about all the stuff I'm learning in school, then exhilarated by all the new peeps I'm meeting and fun stuff going on, then stressed by all the work and responsibilities, then overwhelmed by all the possibilities for my research and my career, then freaking exhausted, and the whole time I'm about three millimeters from bursting into tears.
- I'm going to a "watch party" for the GOP debate on Wednesday. Should be amazing. #Trump2016*
- There are two undergrads sitting across Starbucks from me right now taking selfies together. I feel old.
- Two weeks after getting my first stipend payment, I had to send the IRS a big fat check. It hurt.
- How much does Invisalign cost? My two front teeth are crooked and I am getting increasingly self-conscious about it. Anyone know?
Happy Saturday everyone, have an awesome weekend.
*Obviously I'm kidding....