First, therapy: When I saw R on Monday, I was in a crappy mood and wanted break things and murder everyone around me. But as per usual, I zipped my lip and pretended everything was great and waxed poetic about drinking Boost. Of course R saw right through me and concluded that I was "quite unwell," to use his words. When I went back this morning, I was feeling much better and a major point of discussion became my ridiculous mood swings. (My ED doc switched my meds on Thursday, so maybe that will help things a bit.) I also told him that the twice-weekly sessions are seriously getting to be too much. It's a huge drag to shuttle back and forth to ED Clinic (about a twenty minute drive) 2-3 times a week, and I really just don't have the time or inclination for it. R said that since I seemed to be doing better (aka not losing weight, not a sobbing ball of nerves, not really being uncooperative or opposed to recovery in any way), we can cut down our sessions to once a week for now and see how it goes. Progress!
Second, dietary: I saw my dietician J today for the first time in a couple weeks. I had been purposely putting off scheduling an appointment with her because I had been getting fed up with her, but this morning we had a really good, productive session. We didn't actually discuss food much at all, or make any adjustments to my meal plan. Instead, we did an exercise where we mapped out my chain of thoughts leading up to a meal in order to pinpoint when/how I decide if/how much to eat. Usually, this kind of exercise seems pointless and irrelevant to me; I find it impossible and futile to identify core beliefs and thought patterns. R has tried similar exercises with me and I just don't get it. It never seems to apply. Anyway, today was different and J seemed more willing and able to understand where I struggle the most.
Most of the time, J is super perky and positive, which is great, but doesn't exactly resonate when I'm sitting there fighting tears, tuning her out, and thinking I'm not going to drink the Boost, dammit, so stop asking. But today, she took a blunter approach. At one point, she even said, "I hope I'm not coming across too harsh." (And "harsh" for her is still incredibly sweet and friendly.) I felt like she acknowledged that, okay, just telling Kaylee to drink more Boost and add another half cup of trail mix is not exactly getting through. So she stepped back, reassessed, and took a different approach. Now I feel really positively about how things are going and I'm definitely more motivated to work with her.
Next: OB/GYN. I'd never seen this doctor before, so I was giving her my history (anorexia, majorly irregular periods) and she immediately started pushing birth control. She even gave me a sample pack of Beyaz and called in a three-month supply to my pharmacy, even though I was pretty ambivalent about it in the appointment and don't even plan to pick it up. I talked to my ED doc about it, who confirmed what I thought was true about BC not improving bone density. I'm definitely not opposed to the pill, and would consider in the future if it becomes necessary for, um, non-bone-density-related reasons. (I just broke up with my boyfriend, remember?) For now, though, I want to keep doing what I'm doing and see if I can have periods naturally.
Okay, I think I've covered most of the major developments in my life over the past week. Sorry for that! I hope everyone has a great weekend planned.