Things were going just swimmingly for several weeks, but my anxiety has spiked again over the past few days and I can't quite pinpoint what triggered it. My schedule is pretty laid back - I'm doing research with my advisor, but nothing insanely strenuous or time-consuming. I've had plenty of time with friends the past couple of weeks, I love my new office and officemates, things are going generally well....so I DON'T KNOW. I'm just having a lot of those old freaky-outy feelings again, like a nervous pit in my stomach, the same thoughts churning over and over in my mind, ruminating over what is that small red dot on my finger, was that twinge in my foot another stress fracture, what if I get another eye infection, what if the nerve pain comes back etc. etc. etc. all day long. After not touching the stuff for at least a month, I've taken Klonopin three days in a row. It definitely helps, but I hate taking it every day because (1) I worry about getting dependent/it losing effectiveness, and (2) It means my current SSRI dose is probably not sufficient, and I don't want to have to increase because WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW.
But objectively things are going well, which I try to focus on. I made a new friend who has turned into a major support for me, and I recently reconnected with an old friend from my masters program, so I'm feeling a little less lonely than I was before when a bunch of my friends moved away over the past year. I've submitted three manuscripts to journals, and have another couple in progress with my advisor so hopefully at least SOMETHING won't get rejected. I might have a sweet teaching gig set up in the fall for which I will get paid serious $$$$$ (serious $$$$$ for a poor graduate student, I mean....it's all relative....).
Fun stuff: Spent the night at my cousin's on Tuesday to drink wine and watch the Bachelorette (yo wtf is up with Chad), and went to happy hour with the aforementioned old friend on Wednesday, then yesterday tagged along on an impulsive trip to the zoo. Way too hot so we didn't last long, but it was a nice outing anyway.
A few book recommendations because in the summer, I READ:
- One of Us: The Story of Anders Breivik and the Massacre in Norway (nonfiction)
- Behind the Beautiful Forevers (nonfiction)
- The Narrow Road to the Deep North (fiction)
- The Turner House (fiction)