I know that I barely post at all these days, and when I do it tends to be ANXIETYANXIETYANXIETY and not much else. Sorry. I have truly never been hit so hard by anxiety as I have in the past year. It's really hard to describe feeling so unsafe in your own head. It has waxed and waned a bit, but since about July or so, I have pretty much been consumed by anxiety. It's not that it always so terrible, but sometimes it is and I am constantly calibrating how my brain feels...is it going to be a good day? A terrible day? Do I need to call Mama Bear? Do I need to call Dr. P? Do I need to call Dr. New Psychiatrist? Do I need to suck it up and get a grip? Do I need to pop a Klonopin?
I'm doing better lately, mostly because the meds have been a game changer. I started on Celexa back in November and things improved dramatically with a few weeks, but that also coincided with me going on winter break and my stress level dropping to approximately zero. The spring semester has definitely been better than the fall, but over the past couple months my anxiety started rising again to pretty intolerable levels again. I doubled my dose of Celexa, but was still relying pretty heavily on the Klonopin. I have the Klonopin to take "as needed," but "as needed" was pretty much daily. So, my psychiatrist (I started seeing her last fall and I ADORE HER) just switched me to Prozac. For a week, I was tapering down the Celexa, then tapering up the Prozac, and I am supposed to take Klonopin daily to keep things under control in the transition - particularly since she warned me that Prozac can be "activating" in the beginning. Anyway, I've been on the Prozac for about a week or so with no real news to report, other than a little nausea and general tummy unhappiness. I was taking 1mg Klonopin daily last week, then decided to try going without and so far so good. So, cautious fist pump.
Anyway, I have about one week left of this insane semester and then things should settle down for a bit. Much love to all, hope this BRIEF update is enough to sustain you for a little.
Love,
Your Favorite Worst Blogger
My SUPER conservative new psychiatrist won't give me a benzo for my anxiety because I drink alcohol. It's a big catch-22 for me. Anyway, I feel like I'm just barely handling my anxiety, and that sucks. It's a lot better than it WAS, for sure, but geez. Can I please catch a break?? I hope the Prozac helps! What other meds have you tried? Have you tried Zoloft or Paxil? Just curious. Prozac and Zoloft did nothing for me, but I've had better luck on Celexa. Used to take Lexapro too (but that's related to Celexa, so probably wouldn't work for you). Crazy how all these meds work differently for everyone. Hang in there -- you'll find the right one/dosage. :)
ReplyDeleteUgh that sucks. So....I know you aren't supposed to drink on benzos, but I've had one glass of wine with 0.5-1mg klonopin several times with no problem at all, just a little drowsiness. My psychiatrist has said this is completely fine, at such low levels. I'm of course not telling you to disregard medical advice, but it's also not the case that any dose of a benzo plus a sip of alcohol = IMMINENT DEATH. Personally, the benzos have been a life saver for me when the SSRI either wasn't working, when I was tapering up or down, or just needing something extra to get me through a rough day. I was worried about getting dependent on benzos, but it's hard to do if you stick to the appropriate dosage and don't overuse them.
DeleteSeveral years ago I tried Zoloft, Effexor, and Seroquel, all of which had too many side effects to tolerate. Of course I was very underweight at the time so maybe things would be different now. Celexa was the first one that noticeably made a difference. My psych did first consider switching me to Lexapro so I could get to a higher dose, but ultimately we decided it might be a waste of time and went with Prozac instead. I'm only on 20mg so far, but will keep you posted!
I'm not really in a place where I NEED a benzo right now really... but I worry that if I did, he wouldn't oblige anyway. I'm not 100% sold on the guy...
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