Heading into my last week of the semester—who survived her first semester of PhD school? OH, JUST ME. It's been a rough, wacky, up-and-down few months but knockonwood things are looking up, I think. After waffling forever about whether or not to go back on meds, I finally cut the crap and got myself up to the full dose of Celexa (20mg, for me) and whaddya know within less than two weeks I feel almost like myself again. Haven't had one of those scary near-panic-attack anxiety episodes in a while, and generally feeling more even-keeled all around. If you guys recall, I got the Celexa prescription from a GP about six weeks ago to tide me over until I could get in to see the psychiatrist, but I was totally indecisive about whether or not to actually take it. She also gave me Ativan, which I've taken only two or three times and never noticed any difference. The psychiatrist today recommended I keep at it with the Celexa, and add Klonopin at night to deal with the epic insomnia. I liked the new psychiatrist a lot, and am feeling generally hopeful about this regimen for now. It's so weird to see a new mental health person now and have to explain, very genuinely, that I'm not here for the eating disorder. You know? They always want to harp on that, and I'm like calm down, I got this. Let's talk anxiety.
So, all in all feeling better. Unfortunately it seems that spending the past few months on in a state of near-constant panic seems to have taken a toll on my poor skin. My face is totally broken out and I feel straight-up horrible about myself. I'm embarrassed to see The Boy because I don't want him to think I'm a troll. C'mon God, acne should not be on my list of concerns at age 25. Cut a gal a break.
In other news, I am just about finished up with all my coursework. One presentation left tomorrow, but that's it. I am also starting to prep stuff for the class I'll be TAing in the spring....it involves running a lab for a stats class and not gonna lie, I feel vastly under-qualified.
On the plus side, I am no longer straight-up crazy, and I am excited to visit a friend of mine in Other Big City next week, then head home for Christmas. Sorry for the wildly inconsistent posting lately—it's been a weird few weeks. Hoping to be more on top of it in the future.
Much love to you all.
Wow, lots going on! Congrats on the awesome semester! I'm really glad you're seeing a psychiatrist that you like and trust, and who really gets what's going on with you right now. I'm also glad that you're starting to feel better!
ReplyDeleteSorry you've been dealing with breakouts. I also feel that way. Like, I'm almost 30, really face? Really? Also, I'm sure the Boy finds you beautiful with clear skin or a breakout.
Hope you're having a great start to your holiday break!