Pre-Semester Stressing

This week kind of flew past. Of course it did—my last week of summer! Yup, school starts on Monday. I am ready but also starting to realize how incredibly busy I'm going to be. On top of my five classes, internship, and job, research with my advisor J has taken on a whole new life of its own. We have been trying to get this one project off the ground for a while now, and it finally happened yesterday when we touched base with one of the project partners who has been out of town—which is awesome and exciting, BUT involves me now having to acquaint myself with a brand new software like immediately, make a poster for a conference in October (but the abstract is due next week), and help J prepare a manuscript ASAP so we can both put it on our CVs (him for his tenure package, me for my PhD applications). Which is another thing—it's been less than 2 years since I last did this, but I forgot how labor intensive graduate school applications are. I have a giant spreadsheet on my computer with my wish list of schools and columns for descriptions, requirements, due dates, relevant faulty to suck up to, GRE codes, pros and cons, etc. It makes my head spin. Exciting yes, but insane. Have I mentioned I'm taking five classes? And intern 20 hours per week? And have a job?

It will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay. I went through this last spring, and I didn't think I could make it then, but everything worked out. Admittedly this semester is probably going to be busier, and the stakes are higher, and I think I'm going to encounter my first truly challenging class in graduate school. On the other hand, I have an awesome advisor who is 100% supportive and is totally willing to go to bat for me, I have great friends who I am super excited to see everyday again, I mostly have my health (more below), and I have a kickass Mom and Popsicle who do kickass things like FaceTime with me while they eat dinner, send me money when my car unexpectedly poops out a week before I get paid, and send me more money when I discover that two of my textbooks that I NEED to buy each cost over $100. Good thing Popsicle is a long way from retirement. Keep it up Popsicle! #SpoiledBrat #Don'tJudge

Hmm, so my health. I am struggling to decide how to feel about things right now. My weight, again, is freaking me out. I haven't actually weighed myself in a few weeks, but it feels like I've gained. Before you tell me I'm nuts and paranoid, I have been consistently gaining for several months, so it's probably fair to assume that I might still be. And I can't explain it, Dr. P can't explain it, the one doctor I was brave enough to ask couldn't explain it. According to all the calculators and formulas, I am eating right about exactly what I should be to maintain/even lose a tad, so it really makes absolutely no sense. It is not even so much the weight that bothers me, but the fact that it seems to have no relationship to what I am eating. I feel totally lost as to what to eat, how to eat, what type of exercise is too much or too little, whether it's worth it to invest in more clothes in a bigger size or if the weight will settle... ANY ADVICE/WISDOM/TIPS/MUSINGS/LOVE WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED.

Another random thing of note: my period is extremely late this month, as in by almost two weeks. There may be a New Dude, but I am definitely not with child, if you know what I mean.  After almost two years of perfect 30-day cycles, it's only been in the last maybe 6 months that things have gotten out of whack again. WHY?

Speaking of New Dude, I think I want to break up with him. We've spent a lot of time together the past couple weeks, and went on our first "official" date last weekend, and I've tried to be SO open and give him every chance, but I just don't think it's going to work out. He's too old. We are in different life stages. And his personality is not really what I need right now. Also, he has a giant tattoo across his chest. It skeeves me out.

So, that is that. This weekend will be spent feverishly finishing up any last bit of work I can get out of the way before my calendar blows up at 9:00 a.m. Monday. Happy Saturday!