New Dude and School Stuff

YOU GUYS. I done got me a boy on my hands. Well, I suppose he is a man, given the age 30 thing, but you know what I mean. We had our date Saturday night, which turned into about a five-hour thing. New Dude is quite the talker. Which is a plus and a minus, I suppose. It was really easy to talk with him, and we got into some relatively deep stuff for a first date, but by the end it got a little exhausting, like are you not realizing that it is past 1 a.m. and I'm tired, and maybe it's time to stop talking about yourself now? Because he did talk about himself quite a bit, and maybe shared a little more than was necessary or expected so early, but I am trying SO SO hard to be open-minded and nonjudgmental and see where it goes. He is super sweet and adorable, and hasn't given me any concrete reasons to shut it down. Since Friday, when he first asked me out, he's been texting me a LOT, like boyfriend-y stuff (good morning, how's your day, good night, sleep tight) and sent out a feeler about a second date ("we should do this again! how about a nice restaurant sometime?"). So anyway, I'm feeling a tad lukewarm about the whole thing, but am committed to giving it at least a second date before deciding definitively either way. I haven't dated anyone seriously since S back in college, so maybe I'm just out of practice. My impression is that New Dude does seem kind of needy and dare-I-say sensitive, so I'm already worrying about hurting his feelings if I do decide to pull the plug. But, we are not there yet. I figure that getting to know someone, forming a new relationship, and getting my feet wet again can only be a good thing no matter where the relationship goes.

School starts in a week!! I am both excited and apprehensive. My schedule, which is already full, is about to explode. Looking at my calendar makes me shudder. I have already gotten the lecture from Dr. P about reducing stress, prioritizing self-care, putting my sanity and emotional well-being first, but unfortunately this is the reality of graduate school (at least my program), and there's no real way around the coursework, internship, research, and job. So this is how it's going to be, at least the fall semester (I'll have fewer classes in the spring).

But but! On top of all that, I will officially be applying to Ph.D. programs for next year! I am stressed yes, and worried I won't get in anywhere and my life will be over, but I am also SO EXCITED. I had a long meeting with my advisor J in which we talked all about my interests and goals and values, and he basically told me to "aim high" because he thinks I can get in somewhere good. So now I'm all jazzed up and freaked out at the same time, and have a million things to do between now and December. Most stressful part: asking for recommendations. I HATE THIS. There are two bigwig professors who I would like to ask, and from whom letters of rec would hold a lot of weight, but I am too nervous to ask. Haven't decided if I am going to be brave and try, or settle for two others who are also both good professors but don't exactly have the same celeb status. SEND ME YOUR STRENGTH AND CONFIDENCE AND GOOD VIBES.

Anyway, this post is totally random but I guess one unifying theme is that I am open to being in a relationship, yes, but am also not 100% sold on New Dude and am not sure how much time I'll really have to give him. I don't want it to be a chore that eats up free time I don't have, you know? I wish there had been fireworks and love at first sight so I would know, but I guess it doesn't always work like that.

Happy Monday to all, and sorry for my randomness.