tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post3825610257513378770..comments2023-12-02T03:37:15.740-05:00Comments on New Voice, New Life: Looking Back and Taking InventoryKayleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637653451031426942noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-12959698771159005972014-01-01T21:31:11.980-05:002014-01-01T21:31:11.980-05:00Yes! e.g. I never recorded my daily cals/exercise ...Yes! e.g. I never recorded my daily cals/exercise before seeing a dietitian, and then years later that was still one of the most entrenched ED habits. love the fracture metaphor, that really rings true. I've only figured stuff out by screwing it up, never by taking my tx team at their word and doing everything perfectly the first time around and staying that nice safe little cocoon, you know?<br /><br />I don't actually have class until the 13th but I'll be working all next week and I have some neglected writing projects to catch up on. Plus studying for this damn GREKayleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07637653451031426942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-91645861563448857462014-01-01T18:22:54.007-05:002014-01-01T18:22:54.007-05:00Oh god yeah, re: treatment feeding into compulsion...Oh god yeah, re: treatment feeding into compulsions/obsessions. It's almost trading your own obsessions for that pseudo-healthier obsessiveness/compulsions for a minute. I'm so glad that you're able to get to the point where obsessiveness of any kind isn't acceptable to you, that's awesome. Same sorta thing is true for lots of healing type things-- a cast/being non-weight bearing is only helpful in the v. early stages of a fracture healing. After that, you lose bone mass, and can only actually recover by the painful process of being weight bearing & letting the bone breakdown/remodel. Having a fractured femur during IP #1, I thought about that a lot, actually. <br /><br />Happy new year! You still on break or does your semester/workload start up straightaway? <br /><br />JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01730134189350353270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-81596650790395960442014-01-01T11:00:21.721-05:002014-01-01T11:00:21.721-05:00Thanks Alie!! I'm sure I haven't gone abou...Thanks Alie!! I'm sure I haven't gone about recovery the most efficient, by-the-book way and have almost certainly drawn out the process by resisting help at almost every turn, but the upside is that now, I feel very much in control, and very proud and protective of my health, if that makes sense. And the brain-changing that happens naturally over time is really incredible.<br /><br />best wishes and happy holidays, take care AlieKayleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07637653451031426942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-48917009153260864222014-01-01T10:57:52.174-05:002014-01-01T10:57:52.174-05:00I never believed it either, but it's totally t...I never believed it either, but it's totally true—it's almost as if I can see myself becoming more rational about food/weight etc. over time, kind of like watching a toddler learn to talk, where they pick up a new word or phrase every day.<br /><br />Hmm that's interesting...my treatment has always been kind of piecemeal, never a fully structured inpatient or IOP program, and I went through all of it kicking and screaming BUT seem to have been able to come away with the most useful bits while leaving the rest behind. Weekly dietary, for example, was initially helpful but got old REALLY fast. In fact, i think it actually fed into some of the gripping compulsions and obsessions about food and calories that I still have today. The most important lessons I've had to learn is that there is no perfect recovery, no perfect way to eat, etc. and I've only been able to accept that by trying things out and messing up and adapting and messing up again. So it's been a long and very individual process, but it would be unfair of me to claim that treatment didn't play a very important role.<br /><br />thanks as always for weighing in. Hope you had a wonderful holiday.Kayleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07637653451031426942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-35369168746887748262013-12-30T16:02:23.945-05:002013-12-30T16:02:23.945-05:00I'm so proud of your for how amazingly you'...I'm so proud of your for how amazingly you've done in recovery! Even through your trial-and-error periods, you have kept recovery as the goal, which is so important. I'm so happy for you that you're in a place where you don't feel like the structure of an RD and therapy solely devoted to ED stuff is necessary. It really does seem like your own motivation has kept you going strong for so long! It really inspires me to know that gradually, the food rigidity, rules, body-image stuff, etc. do get better after having consistent nutrition and recovery work. It also seems like you're really insightful about the next areas of recovery to tackle. I'm so thrilled for you! I wish you nothing but happiness and joy in 2014! <br /><br />Also, I'm the exact same way about the uneven food/cal distribution throughout the day. I really don't get it at all either. If you find the magic cure, let me know ASAP please!Aliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10715046132281175549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-5839506287494634862013-12-29T22:56:35.964-05:002013-12-29T22:56:35.964-05:001. See?! I never, in the depth of the disordered b...1. See?! I never, in the depth of the disordered brain, EVER believed the "you will feel less fat when you gain weight and aren't a crazy starved person" bit. But it's so so true.<br /><br />2. Not a freak. Treatment helps you until you have the skills/stability to help yourself, IMO. When you're well you outgrow that stuff (and I don't mean to say that being eating disordered is being immature-- but rather, that when you start to recover, your brain grows and morphs in ways that make what once was "safe" confining, much like adolescents pushing back against parents...), I think-- I went to a nutritionist weekly and recorded my food and was cranky with her and kinda hated it but drug myself there because not going was terrifying. <br /><br />Being left to my own devices was terrifying. And then, when I was stable for enough time, when treatment was really boring, I started to get fussier about who would still be a part of my treatment. And the RD, who was lifesavingly helpful when I couldn't feed myself, was out. It's always piece meal, patchwork, whatever. I've done loads of inpatient and other structured programs, and they were stopgaps, keep me alive until I'm brain-fed enough to figure shit out again, sorts of things. Real, sustainable recovery comes from you. Figuring out what works and makes sense and motivates you. <br /><br />3. You have SO much to be proud of. So much. Happy new year! Here's to even more health, happiness & nerdiness.JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01730134189350353270noreply@blogger.com