tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post1658072621597152823..comments2023-12-02T03:37:15.740-05:00Comments on New Voice, New Life: Living AloneKayleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07637653451031426942noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-49463065162249933802013-04-13T16:02:11.758-04:002013-04-13T16:02:11.758-04:00Hi E—You are so right! I realized that I completel...Hi E—You are so right! I realized that I completely contradicted myself in this post before publishing it, but decided to leave it as is because those two statements really do capture how I'm feeling. Restricting is like second-nature to me, and it's hard to break out of that mindset no matter how badly I want to. You said it perfectly: I still have the daily, habitual urges to engage in little ED behaviors, but have "absolutely no desire/intention to go back to the BIG ED stuff"—exactly!!<br /><br />For me, it's very hard to foresee a relapse because the other health problems have totally eclipsed a lot of the ED-fueled anxieties that going backwards doesn't seem remotely worth it. Still, I try very hard to be conscious of my history and to remember that I will probably always be vulnerable to anorexia not matter how wholesome my intentions.<br /><br />Thanks for reading and thanks for your thoughtful comment! Best of luck to you too.Kayleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07637653451031426942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753685376168608657.post-26934333709406120702013-04-12T13:28:55.535-04:002013-04-12T13:28:55.535-04:00I really identify with these two (possibly contrad...I really identify with these two (possibly contradictory!) feelings you expressed:<br /><br />"My weight and eating are pretty stable, but fighting the urge to restrict is still always a battle."<br /><br />and<br /><br />"I have absolutely zero.none.zilch desire to restrict and lose weight."<br /><br />I may be misinterpreting what you're saying here, but if you're saying what I think you're saying then I'm experiencing pretty much the same thing: struggling with the small ED stuff (brief urges to restrict, some lingering food rigidity, and [in my case] body image/body-checking stuff and niggling exercise issues) with absolutely no desire/intention to go back to the BIG ED stuff. Right now, I just can't imagine relapsing (and I'm living on my own, as you are, so I totally could) . . . but at the same time I wonder if it's even possible see a relapse coming. Will I relapse at some point? (A scary thought, from this vantage point, because my parents have never been willing to step in and rescue me.) Will I reach that far-off, possibly mythical land of total happiness and full recovery? Or will I just hang out here forever?<br /><br />I'm not sure where I'm going with these questions, except to say that I think we're at a similar point in recovery, and it's kind of a strange/hard/confusing place to be (though of course much better than many alternatives!).<br /><br />Anyway, best of luck to you, Kaylee. I'm so excited for you, and I have very high hopes that it will be great.Ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08197159107590840516noreply@blogger.com